angels and demons...

last night I went to see Angels and Demons with O...event thought i liked DaVinci Code better, the movie was ok. what i loved the most was to see again those great places of Rome and the Vatican...it reminded me of my trip there, the same way DaVinci reminded me about Paris and the places i visited.
but after the movie, i had to face my own demons: i had to talk to O cause things were not going the way i wanted. on the way back he said he needed to tell me something, i answered i thought i knew what he wanted to talk about. we remained in silence. he said it was sad cause he really wanted things to work...i totally understood, is the firs time in a while i meet someone i get excited about, i want to see again, interesting and mature enough. but there was nothing else to do, when "that" is not there for any of the two or both, there is no reason to keep trying.
he dropped me at my place and said we can talk and maybe be friends. i answered that i thought we'd better leave it the way it was and left.
i'm sad of course, it is not that common to meet someone interesting, but i trust things happen for a reason.
in other news, i bought tickets for Pet Shop Boys! they are coming to Tel Aviv in July and i'm very excited!

i don't know...

last thursday i went to have some drinks with a friend. in the pub we were sitting i saw at the back a guy in a wheel chair (not a simple one, but one with a motor). it was dark but i thought that the guy that was sitting next to him was holding his hand...after a while it was obvious they were together, you could see the love in their eyes, and how they took care at each other.
after spending the weekend with friends, but not with O, and realizing that I haven't seen him almost in a week I understood that something is not working right...i've tried to give him his space and not to push but when u start dating someone i think the natural thing is to want to meet...meeting once a week is not what i want.
at first i took it as lack of interest from his side, which probably is the case, but i won't blame him, i'll say what i have to say from my side: i don't know if he is not interested, but i don't want to be with someone like this. you can be as busy as you want, we all are...but when you are really into someone, you look for the time...and i don't feel he does. so i rather take the risk and give him the impression i'm pushing instead of sitting here and waiting until he finds a moment for me.
i want, and i deserve, someone who looks at me with the love those two guys were looking at each other.
this is a song of the kings of leon, i love it and i'm sure u'll get why:

going strong...

well, it seems that i really got an STD from O. yet, i decided that i want to keeps seeing him. the way he reacted was totally mature and respectful, he accepted all responsibility, apologized and proposed not to have sex until we are both checked and done with the antibiotics. it is not easy, we avoid being alone cause we jump on each other like crazy.
it also opened my eyes, for me the only fear was HIV, but there are a lot of STD's around and we have to be aware of it. today i was told there is a lot of Syphilis cases in Tel Aviv...I mean, I always have "safe sex"...at least I thought I had...there are a lot of diseases that you can get also with oral sex. i know, it is awful, but we have to be aware of it and use a condom...even for oral sex...

as i said, in the emotional aspect, i'm doing fine, we try to meet as much as he can (i only work, but he works and study so he is the problematic one). we had dinner with his cousin and the BF which was nice, kind of first encounter with the family...and i discovered the cousin cheats on the BF, but that's other story :)

anyway, use a condom, it sucks but it is better than your cock falling off right?

tnx for the present...

remember in my last post i was all excited about this guy i met? well, things are going somewhere, but not where i thought. i find myself thinking about him a lot less, kind of lost that first feeling (and when u lose that after a week of knowing someone, there is something wrong). i think this change is cause by two main reasons: first of all, this "let's go slowly" thing, is kind of getting old. i mean, i can be tolerant and understanding...but we haven't met for 4 days. it is true, he calls every night and texts me during the day...but 4 days!? i mean, come one...when i meet someone i like i want to see him all the time, i have to stop myself from calling. what is wrong with u O?
the other thing is that during the weekend i started to feel a little discomfort down there...in other words it burned when i wanted to pee. i thought urinary tract infection right away, it is not the first time i have that and the symptoms were pretty much the same. i went to the doctor and he gave me some tests..but the results would only be ready on Thursday and I couldn't pee, i mean i could, but it burned! so, with half of the test results (the other half, the mos important, would be ready in two days) i went to other doctor and he told me he didn't think it is an infection...he thought it was either Chlamydia or Gonorrhea, I was kind of shocked cause before being with O on Thursday, I haven't had sex for the last 3 months (i know, it is sad)...and those diseases don't show up that fast...the doc told me it could be that, even if we only had oral sex, that was enough. i got antibiotics that are good for both, STD and infection and i'm getting the final results on Friday...the thing is that if it was and STD, I totally got it from him and I'd have to talk to him and tell him U GOT ME AN STD, U SOB!!!

back to the game...

seems funny but my psychologist was right when she told me that people (and specially guys) could feel that i wasn't 100% present, ready for something new. it's been two weeks since i don't talk to G, and I have to tell I feel free, we have been apart for one and a half year, but hanging together at least 3 times a week, talking on the phone every day, etc. at the beginning i thought it was the mature thing to do, i mean we loved each other, we had this history together, i didn't want to lose him, but it became unhealthy. non of us could really move on.
since the day we decided not to be in touch anymore it seems my energy had changed, and people see it at work, in the street, even in the internet where i get a lot of messages now.
in the last two weeks i've had 3 dates, 2 of them unsuccessful because i wasn't interested, the 3rd one more successful...we are already on our third date, including spending the night at his place (i know, i'm a whore).
in any case, as for now, i only see two potential problems:
- he contacted me on the dating site and in my profile it clearly says i'm a top...well, he missed that detail and he is a top too. he says we can work it out, he was bttm in a previous relationship. maybe it can work, i have to give it time, but in my experience a top-top relationship is not easy (of course it is better than bottom-bottom) and i'm not doing the bttm thing anytime soon.
- the second problem, i tend to behave like a girl at the beginning, i want to see him and can't stop thinking about him...well it seems he is just like most guys, needs time, to go slow = i'm smelling fear here maybe. in any case, i was super patient with G and look how it went. i'll take it slow with O, but i know i can get tired too fast of the slow thing, if there is not change on the situation for the next week, i totally see this thing fading away.
let's wait and see, i'll update u.