ok, got it...

i finally understood. after my therapy session on thursday i understood that something was off with me. while telling my therapist about my date with the father of twins, she made me notice that never, for the las year and half i have said that i´m really interested in someone, no butterflies, no nothing. i understood that the reason for it is the kind of relationship i have with my ex, we spend a lot of time together, we go to movies, eat out, friends, etc...we still behave like a couple, without the sex.
i decided i had to talk to him cause i couldn't keep this situation any longer: either we got together again and go right away to look for counseling, or we end this for good and cut all kind of communication. i dropped by his place, asked him to sit down and told him what i felt. he answered right away: "i don't want to be back with you, but i don´t want to lose u"...u can't have both honey. it was hard, it was like breaking up with him again, but in a way i feel lighter now. i kissed him on his head, told him i love him and left.
it is time for me for a fresh start.

oh, forgot to tell u...things with daddy of twins didn't work out, it was going to happen sooner or later, no shocker there.