gone...

so C is gone :( and i'm sad... i really like him, and he is very important to me. he says he feels the same way, but i'm not sure, i did feel a couple of times lack of interest or certain selfishness from him...but then he does the cutest and sweetest things ever, so i don't know what to think.
i do believe that there is a reason for everything, therefore there is a reason for me to know him...i'm just trying to figure it out, but i guess life will tell me.
i went with him to the airport this morning, we were really late so he had no time to lose...we hug very strong in the gate, i thought to myself so many things i wanted to say - thank you for all you have given me, and u are not really aware of, thank u for being so cute and helping me feel i deserve better, thank u for looking up to me making me feel i've done some stuff that even u can admire...i also wanted to say "i love u", but i knew the best thing to do was to remain silent- i only said "take care of urself". he looked at me and said "u too, i´ll write u as soon as i arrive"...and he left. last time i cried a lot when he left, this time i didn't felt the need, i just turned around and took the train back to the city.
i'm going to miss u, no doubt about it...but i think that u need to figure out some stuff in ur life, u need to understand that love is not like choosing what car to buy, love just happens and u have to flow with it, no matter the distance, the situation, nothing...just go with it and see what happens. i thought that the differences between u and me were the money, the country, the realities we live in...but i think that our biggest difference is that i do believe in love, i do want to find a guy i want to spend the rest of my life with, to get married, to have a house, children and a dog...i'm waiting for that guy, i wish it was you, though in a place i know u r not.