gay kiss...

i'm still going through some crazy times, trying to be comfortable with my new "single" status, living alone for the first time and stuff... and in this new phase i'm trying to be friends with my ex...we are still really close, we eat together couple of times a week, we watch the new episodes of our favorite TV shows, we meet common friends, etc. but it seems that what i saw as a very matture "divorce", which made me proud, looks weird for all the people around me...every body still thinks there is something going on between us...and i really get pissed, i hate to explain them that we are not together, that nothing happens between us...and i guess it also makes me think there is soemthing weird there, maybe i still feel things for him?
watching this week's episode of my favourite TV show, Grey's Anatomy, with the gay and the military thing going on i realized that something had changed in me. my ex is a reserve soldier, we went thru a war together (trust me, u don't want to be in that situation), and it was really hard for me...i was always afraid that if something happened to him his family or someone would not allow me to be with him in case he needed me...well, this times the feelings were different...i couldn't stop thinking that i wish to feel that again, to feel i love so much someone that i would be ready to change places with him just for him not to suffer, someone i'd be ready to give my life for...and my ex is not that person anymore. i do love him still, but in a different way, he is like my family now, a part of my history that i never want to forget...but he is not "that guy" anymore...it is strange, sad and happy at the same time.
here u have the clip from Grey's Anatomy (it has some spoilers):