ok, got it...

i finally understood. after my therapy session on thursday i understood that something was off with me. while telling my therapist about my date with the father of twins, she made me notice that never, for the las year and half i have said that i´m really interested in someone, no butterflies, no nothing. i understood that the reason for it is the kind of relationship i have with my ex, we spend a lot of time together, we go to movies, eat out, friends, etc...we still behave like a couple, without the sex.
i decided i had to talk to him cause i couldn't keep this situation any longer: either we got together again and go right away to look for counseling, or we end this for good and cut all kind of communication. i dropped by his place, asked him to sit down and told him what i felt. he answered right away: "i don't want to be back with you, but i don´t want to lose u"...u can't have both honey. it was hard, it was like breaking up with him again, but in a way i feel lighter now. i kissed him on his head, told him i love him and left.
it is time for me for a fresh start.

oh, forgot to tell u...things with daddy of twins didn't work out, it was going to happen sooner or later, no shocker there.

surprise!

last night i had a date, after a long time not going to dates i finally went out with this guy i've been talking to for some time and who seemed interesting, just the kind of guy i was looking for.
he invited me to his place, i usually don't go to strangers' apartments but i did this time, he explained me that he is very embarrassed in dates, and it is hard for him to meet in a public place...i decided it is fine by me, as i'm trying to be less harsh and go with the flow. the date was great, we talked a lot, we see the same tv shows, we both love shoes (and have the same number), etc. in the middle of the date he told me he had something to share with me that he usually never do on the first date, he opened his cell phone and showed me a pic of two kids... as naïve as I am, i asked if those were his nephews... "sort of" he answered...and then i got it, those are his twins. the guy is 31 years old, totally gay and has 4 years old twins! i was in total shock, i mean i can understand if the guy says "i'm in the closet", "i'm divorced", "i'm sick"...but this one i didn't see coming.
i'm trying to flow, not to take it too hard... but it is a lot to process...i'll keep u updated.

some pics...

i'll tell you all about my trip to Madrid in the next post, but for now two pics from my days there:

gone, gone...

tomorrow is Passover Eve...i have like a week off and decided to spend it at home, going to the beach, the gym, etc...yesterday joking with my brother he told me i should come by during my days off to say hi...and what started as a joke ended in me flying to Madrid tomorrow to spend the holidays with my little brother I haven't seen in almost 2 years...
i'll probably post from there, but in case i don't: happy easter guys!